Ije Nwanyi - The Journey of Womanhood

The life of the average female is technically so complex owing to the fact that she fills in so many different roles. Even though it may like that the average female faces an unfair degree of treatment by the society; it still rocks to be a woman any day any time. Let's talk about the Journey of Womanhood - Ije Nwanyi.

So let's start start with the girl-child, think of how most toys for girls are either teaching her to cook, play house or take care of a doll. On the other hand boys would usually have toys that get them interested in flying jets, building sky scrappers or dealing with other more technical challenges of life. When you see a boy playing with a doll it seems like a misfit. Who made these rules by the way? To be fair this is changing a tiny weeny bit.

Then we deal with the challenge as young ladies in Varsity where a high percentage have to sleep with Mr. Lecturer in order to ensure they pass a module or course; in many climes this seems to be the norm and people hardly would raise an eyebrow at this. But when Madam Lecturer decides to sleep with a male student in order to give him good grades it makes headline news. Yes, even I find it unnatural that a woman would do that. But why have I accepted this stereotype that it's ok for a man to be ruthless and not a woman. By the way, whether male or female, how dare you fail a student because they would not gratify your sick sexual desires. Hmm, journey for another day.

Speaking of ruthlessness, have you seen a woman in the board room and how she has to be extra tough in order to gain respect from her peers (and even subordinates). Why can't she just be taken on the merit of her performance? To get to that board job is another different story - I had a boss who once explained to me how difficult it would be to rise on my job while building a home. As painful as it sounded then it's the truth. Depending on how many children you choose to have, you lose a minimum of one third of the year anytime you decide to get pregnant, that is assuming you have had a smooth pregnancy devoid of bed rests and more. So you have to choose between raising a family and rising on the job. You must be extra intelligent to be appraised on work done only 8 months of the year and get a worthy promotion. Eventually you have many women who have to make the hard choice:

1) Watch your mates become your bosses

2) Live a lonely life at old age because you either did not get married or you did not have children (this does not include those who may have had any marital or fertility challenges)

3) Rise to the top, have children late and use your pension to buy diapers and baby milk, while running behind your toddlers with your creaking bones and a walking stick. Chai, this is the toughest. Haa haa haa.

Whatever choice you make as a woman, be sure that it is your own choice. Do not allow society to choose for you.

Now, to a touchy subject matter - girls who get pregnant out of wedlock, especially while still in high school. These girls lose a year (where they are blessed), or completely drop out of school to enable them care for the baby. And the boy in question - he continues in school, graduates in his dream career and then looks for someone who completed school and fits his "class". Imagine!!! I have always been of the opinion that any boy that gets a girl pregnant must also drop out of school, get a job and take care of his child. End of story!

I don't even want to go into marriage matters, this has too many legs. Let us fast forward to when a woman loses her husband. In most of our African societies, when a man dies (even at 95 years of age), the wife is always the first suspect. Where people are fetish and traditional the woman may have to appear before a shrine to prove her innocence. I have hardly heard of a man summoned before a shrine to prove his innocence over his wife's death.

The one that makes my blood boil more with my fellow women - you struggle and struggle and struggle to make everyone happy. We forget that we age faster than men do. After a while you start looking like your husband's aunty. Heh heh heh - who did this to you oh woman! If you die today the beautiful thing is that your husband will remarry. Read my words - YOUR HUSBAND WILL REMARRY. Especially if you leave him with young children, village people will not allow him mourn you for even 6 months - they will supply a wife sharp sharp. Tell me, what have you gained? Your children end up being affordable house helps for the new wife.

Woman, do not do this to yourself. Live life on your own terms. Trust God to guide you and not the society. Society does not have your purpose at heart; only God does. Be the best you that you can ever be whether as a young girl, student, wife, mom or employee. Be you and Do you!

Do not sit and wait for an inheritance whether from your father or your husband, rather make a plan to leave an inheritance for your children. This is the best way society will give you the respect that is due to you.

Parents raise your children well, do not turn your daughters to house helps while your sons go out for soccer practice, cross their legs and watch TV. No! Boys must learn to sweep, mop, cook and do every single thing the girl-child is taught to do. Boys can babysit too. When they learn all these things they turn into the kind of husbands most girls wants to get married to - tough and tender at the same time. We shall touch on the matter of boys another day.

I am not where I hope to be, but I am definitely not where I used to be. I am a strong woman who believes in the power of the girl-child! Perhaps coming from a home with only girls has made molded me into who I am today; perhaps it is going to an all girls high school and seeing what other females go through (good and bad). Whatever the reason, I believe that the girl-child deserves a fair chance. I am not talking about to the political noise being made in many quarters these days - get more women on the board, get more women into office. Let's stop playing games and really work towards it. You place a woman on the board, yet pay her a third of what her fellow male board member earns. What is that?! Anyway, that is also a journey for another day.

Speaking of being from a family with only girls, I get so upset with educated men and women who blame the wife for the lack of a son (even the uneducated ones should know that children come from God). What happened to the story of the X & Y chromosomes? When did the woman start producing Y chromosomes? Yet you sit there like "olodo" and allow all sorts of humans walk into your home and put you under pressure. As much as I have not walked in those shoes, I daresay that I would rather threaten the husband to man up and push out his Y chromosomes or I would marry a man who is strong enough to deliver. You can marry another wife to give you sons right, well two can play that game. Haa haa haa. The situations I love are men who keep getting female children all the way to wife number 4. Borrow sense oh woman, do not be put under pressure for things only God can do.

The journey of womanhood is certainly an interesting one. If we touch on the entire journey we would not end this blog today. “If you educate a man you educate an individual, but if you educate a woman you educate a family (nation)”. Dedicate yourself to educating a woman.

Ok, till I write again next time please do right by the next female you come across; myself inclusive. Haa haa haa

Remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram, our handle remains ije_journey. Much love.

Ije..... Journey

Photo by Samuel Aboh on Unsplash